the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
