I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
