We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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