All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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