She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
sex in a hospital.. check
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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