he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
