break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
