Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sext me about skeletons
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
