Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
