his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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