you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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