I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
