My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
