my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
