Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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