I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
