If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
