You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
sarcasm needs its own font
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
