i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
