question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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