No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
