I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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