I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
