i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
