At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
