I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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