I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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