The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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