Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
