Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
