Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
In America we eat man semen.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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