he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
