Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
