ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
