Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
