home. puking in laundry basket.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
