I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
