then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
