Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
