Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
