I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
