He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
