Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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