I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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