She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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