i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
