I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
