I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
