yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
