Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
