Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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