how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
