can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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