Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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