I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
