I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
