please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
