if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
