I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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